04 Dec Dealing with Difficult Situations and Personalities
Episode 4: The Group Outing from Seacoast Church on Vimeo.
PURPOSE: How to navigate through difficulties that may arise in group.
Your group may start off well, everyone is getting to know each other and building relationships. But at some point, you may run into difficult situations. Small groups are made up of all different kinds of people. In group, you will have to manage personalities as well as deal with certain issues.
- Conflict between members.
- Traumatic situations like divorce, death of a loved one, hospitalization or health issues.
- Tough questions that come up with in the context of your group time and you are just not sure how to answer them.
- The four D’s:
The Dodger – never makes eye contact, doesn’t participate, hard to engage them in relationship.
The Debater – the person constantly coming against you, challenging your leadership.
The Dominator – no matter what question you ask, they jump in and answer it first, not allowing others to participate in the discussion.
The Drainer – the person who always has an emotional issue at every group. Not matter what direction you are trying to take the group in, the drainer always takes it back to his/herself, to their own issues.
- The Person Who Has an Agenda: maybe they part of a pyramid scheme and want everyone to buy their product, or maybe they are looking to get a date at your group even though that is not what your group is designed for.
How to Deal with Difficult Situations.
Ephesians 4:25-32 is a great template for how to navigate these difficult situations and relationships.
- Tell the truth.
Ephesians 4:25 – Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another.
No matter what, tell them the truth. It is not often easy but as leaders we have to be committed in telling the truth, but doing it in love.
- Deal with issues quickly.
Ephesians 4:26 – Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger.
If you allow things to fester and sit they don’t just go away magically. You have to deal with them quickly.
- Publicly praise, confront privately.
No one likes to be called out in front of people. Most issues are best handled after group ends or outside of group, maybe in a one on one conversation to really dig out what the issue is.
- Seek to understand the difficult person.
Instead of just writing them off as a difficult person in your group, get to know them a little bit. Take them out for lunch or a cup of coffee, spending time with them outside the group. See if you can help figure out what the underlying issue is and help them navigate through it.
5.Clear the air.
Ephesians 4:31 – Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with malice.
Don’t allow bitterness to settle into anyone’s heart. If you let it sit long enough it will turn into bitterness and derail the entire group.
6. Do it in love.
Allow love to be your guide. You became a leader to help people become fully devoted followers of Christ. You wanted to help them see life change happen in their lives. Sometimes we lose sight of why we got into it in the first place. If you handle it with love and see every individual as God’s artwork and God’s masterpiece, then you will navigate these difficult situations and come through it on the other side.
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