07 Dec Emotionally Healthy Leaders | Part 1

SMALL GROUP LEADER ON-GOING TRAINING

PURPOSE:  When you start to feel a disconnect in your leadership role, it could be caused from some emotionally unhealthy characteristics.  This training session is to help you see what some of those characteristics are and give you some insight on how to deal with them.

FOUR CHARACTERISTICS OF THE EMOTIONALLY UNHEALTHY LEADER

1.LOW SELF AWARENESS

• Unaware of what is going on inside them. Failing to honestly and appropriately express or process strong emotions.
• Ignoring fatigue, stress-induced illness, weight gain, ulcers, headaches or depression.
• Remaining unaware of how issues from family of origin have impacted who they are today.
• Blind to the emotional impact they have on others.

When we ignore these symptoms, or are unaware that we have these strong emotions we don’t see how our attitude and ignorance may affect others.   How effective can we be to our Small Group members if we are not healthy mentally, physically and spiritually?  Take notice of the symptoms, be aware of your ‘sudden outburst of anger’ and ask God to show you what the underlying problem might be.

2. PRIORTIZE MINISTRY OVER MARRIAGE OR SINGLENESS

• Viewing marriage or singleness as an essential foundation for something more important and building effective ministry which they consider first priority.
• Spending very little time cultivating a great marriage or single life that reveals Jesus’s love to the world.
• Not understanding how long-term decisions may impact their married or single life.
• Not realizing that long hours and days at work have become an issue at home and in relationships.

Neglecting your spouse and others can put a strain on your relationships.  Losing sight of why you are doing ministry in the first place can affect your why you are doing ministry in the first place.  Going the extra-mile at work or for the church is great but not seeing that you are over-extended and not paying enough attention to your home life can be detrimental to your leadership role.  Paul states in 1Corinthians 13:1-2 that if we have the faith to move mountains

but don’t have love, we are nothing.  Doing good for Kingdom but neglecting to love people causes more harm in and outside of ministry than good.  Ask God to show you how to prioritize work and family.  Spend quality time with your loved ones and delegate to others the work that may or may not need to get done immediately.  Build up others, apprentice someone to take on some of your responsibilities rather than thinking ‘I am the only one that can get this done’.  As a Small Group Leader, this is a must.  Pass on what you know to others and allow them to use the gifts God has given them to use for His glory.

3. THEY DO MORE ACTIVITY FOR GOD THAN THEIR RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD CAN SUSTAIN

• Chronically over-extended.
• Saying ‘Yes’ to new opportunities without prayerfully and carefully discerning God’s will.
• Not likely spending time cultivating a deep, transformative relationship with Jesus.

You need to take time to slow down for God, others and yourself.  Have you ever heard of the Russian proverb, ‘If you chase two rabbits you will not catch either one’?  Saying ‘yes’ to everything and not spending quality time with your Creator can be a recipe for disaster. Learn to spend time with God alone.  Start with a few minutes a day in prayer and asking Him to speak to your heart.  You will be surprised how only a few minutes can turn into ten, twenty or even a half-hour.  Doing good works is good and we should not grow weary in doing them, (Read Galatians 6:9) but being filled with the Holy Spirit, empowers us to do the work that Christ has prepared for us (Read Ephesians 2:10).  Your Small Group is important and your work is also important, but if you don’t slow down and allow God to fill you and transform you then those other things will fall apart.  Remember to seek His Kingdom and righteousness first and everything else will fall into place (Read Matthew 6:33).

 4. LACK A WORK/SABBATH RHYTHM

• Not resting and enjoying God’s gifts.
• Viewing the Sabbath as legalistic, irrelevant or optional.
• Not making the distinction between the biblical practice of Sabbath and using the time to pay bills, grocery shop or run errands.
• Practicing the Sabbath inconsistently believing they need to finish all of their work first, to earn the right to rest.

Regardless of what you think, you need to take a rest.  You need to take that vacation, that weekend off, that day to rest.  No answering emails, texts or phone calls.  You may love your work, you love being a Small Group Leader but even then, you need to take time out.  Going on a trip with your family, reading a good book, hiking, bicycling; whatever kinds of thing you enjoy.  Before the ‘burnout’ sets in block some time out of your schedule, no matter how hectic it is and take that break.

Bottom line, long-term consequences of unhealthy leadership are a threat to the health and effectiveness of your Small Group and the church.  We as Small Group Leaders should be all for healthy leadership, for the good of the Church.  We need to be intentional about healthy leadership.