05 Dec Help! My Group Has Been Hijacked

PURPOSE:  Have you ever led a small-group meeting that got out of control? Your material was received well, group members were engaged, and then one person started dominating the group. No matter how hard you tried, you couldn’t stop this person from controlling the group. Before you knew it, your small group had been hijacked. Small-group hijackers can do a great deal of harm. Here are four different hijacker personalities and how to deal with them:

1. The Talking Hijacker- The person who answers every question before anyone else can respond. It is great to have this kind of enthusiasm but others may never get the chance to respond or maybe others think nothing else needs to be said.

Taking Control from the Talking Hijacker

Be honest with this person and have a one on one with them.  Thank them for their contribution but explain that others need to contribute.  Encourage the person to only respond to every other or every third question and to keep their responses short.  But again, let them know how grateful you are to have them.

If it still continues, you may want to structure the discussion the next time you meet.  Call on people to answer the question.  Even sending just the question portion of the guide in an email or group text prior to the meeting is a great way to give others a jump-start on their answers.

2. The Emotional Hijacker – The person who shows up every week with an emotional crisis. Before you know it, the majority of the meeting is spent trying to unravel the problem and soothe the person’s emotional needs. Instead of focusing on Scripture and prayer, most of the group’s time and energy is spend on the Emotional Hijacker.

Taking control from the Emotional Hijacker

One way to deal with the emotional hijacker is to take them out for coffee or lunch.  Maybe this person needs some space to share what is happening in their life and once he/she shares this with you, they may not need to take much of the group’s time to talk about it.  Sometimes, spending one on one time will give you a better understanding of a person’s needs. Depending on the situation, you may be able to suggest a spiritual mentor or Christian counselor. At the next meeting, if the person again tries to hijack the group, inform everyone that you need to focus on the message at hand and prayer requests will be taken at the end of the meeting.  This will allow you to get through the message and still allow the person to share within a more limited time constraint.

3. The Leader Hijacker – This person is like ‘the helper in the car’ and gives you constant directions on how to best lead the group.

Taking control from the Leader Hijacker

Talk directly with this person. Be honest and let them know you appreciate their willingness to share leadership but ask them to stop doing so during the small-group meeting.  Sometimes there will be a helpful suggestion and let them know this, when talking to them to keep your conversation positive.  Let them know that sharing these things during the meeting promotes disunity in the group. Offer to listen to suggestions outside the meeting and confirm to them that you lead that way because it suits your personality and leadership style, noting that it may be different from the hijacker’s. 

4. The Late Hijacker – This person walks in late to the meeting without fail. The entrance disrupts the group, and you can’t regain their attention. The momentum and focus are lost.

Taking Control from the Late Hijacker

Approach the hijacker privately and encourage this person to make a better effort to be on time.   Explain how hard it is to get the group refocused once everyone is distracted. If this person cannot get their earlier, encourage them to come in more quietly and sensitively.  If the hijacker does not stop, you may want to encourage them to find a group that fits his/her schedule better.

Notice in all cases when taking control, you are not calling this person out in the middle of the group, but using discretion and with gentleness and kindness, letting them know the issue that needs to be addressed and giving some suggestions.