12 May Destination Marriage | Part 3 “Honorable Parenting”
ATTENTION: Going forward, we will be making Growth Track a mandatory pre-requisite for all Small Group Leaders. I will be contacting the Coaches this week to come up with a plan to get every SGL through the class who has not taken it yet. Eventually, hopefully soon, we will have a short video in lieu of taking the class in person for SGL’s. (Of course, if you have already taken this you are exempt).
Calling all ladies of Waters Church! – If you are between the ages of 16-116, we want you to join us for a fun night of fellowship at our Ladies Q & A Tea on Sunday, May 19th at 4 p.m. Let us know what is on your heart. Text in your questions anonymously starting NOW to 401-433-9475. No need to sign up, light refreshments will be served. (please note: ladies only; no child care provided)
SAVE THE DATE: For a Special “Q&A Episode of thedepend live at 12:00 noon on Facebook & Youtube. May 15th. Text your questions to 508-316-9333.
Looking for your testimonies! If you have group wins to share, please email them to me! maparsons@waterschurch.org
eFam Groups are here – for those who watch online only and are over 25 miles from any Waters Church location. If you have friends/relatives that watch our services online and are interested in becoming eFam Group Leaders, have them go to waterschurch.org/efamleaders . eFam leaders will have Small Group like any other but will host people who attend Waters solely online.
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We offer two types of classes. Please familiarize yourself with what these classes are about. Feel free to sign up for one so you can better explain what they are to your group members.
Starting Point: What is Christianity all about? Is the Bible really more than just a book? Who is Jesus? No matter where we are in life, we all have questions. Starting Point is a great place to explore the faith and have safe and open discussions about some of life’s toughest questions.
Growth Track: In this 3 part class; Discover, Deepen, & Dedicate; you will get answers to the most frequently asked questions about Waters Church and have an opportunity to ask your own. This is the perfect place to get to know the “Why” behind the “What” of who we are as a church.
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Key Exodus 20 / Ephesians 6
Not everyone is a parent, but everyone is a child to somebody. As Christians, we are all adopted children of God.
BIG POINT: Parenthood is the key component in God’s Plan for bringing His good into the world.
Parenthood is in the Garden – it is part of the first commandment God gave mankind. “Be fruitful and multiply”.
Parenthood is in the top ten of God’s commandments. The 5th commandment is the bridge commandment: (The Ten Commandments)
– The first 4 commandments center on our relationship with God.
– The last 5 deal with our relationship with one another (community/neighbor).
– IN THE MIDDLE is “honor our father and mother”…
honoring our parents is the bridge commandment between our relationship to God and to others.
– Communities are FIRST and FOREMOST blessed when we get FAMILY ordered according to God’s commands.
– When the parent/child relationship breaks down, community and neighborhood break down.
Q. From either personal experience or one that you have witnessed, what is an example of ‘community’ breaking down due to a breakdown in the parent/child relationship?
The REWARD in the commandment:
“that your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you” – This is not an individual promise as it is a national promise. God was saying their NATION/CULTURE/COMMUNITY/NEIGHBORHOODS would stand the test of time, based on this commandment.
Why? Because through the parent-child relationship – the faith and religious traditions are passed down. It is not the school system that should instill values, it is the parent’s responsibility.
Q. Were your parents pro-active in instilling values in you or did they rely on the school or something else and how did it shape you? Were/Are you proactive in instilling values into your children?
Strong families provide a major bulwark against totalitarian regimes. In fact, if you study the communist and fascist regimes in history, they always undercut parental authority in the lives of children. The weaker the family, the more strength we give to the government. “A standard feature of totalitarian regimes is the shifting of children’s loyalty and obedience from their parents to the state.”
“Honor your father and your mother”…
A CHILD’S RESPONSIBILITY:
1. HONOR IS REQUIRED IN SPITE OF A PARENT’S FLAWS.
Every parent has flaws. This gives us no excuse to not honor our parents. There is a difference between a seriously flawed parent and an evil parent. Most of us do not have an evil parent. Some people need to stop demonizing their parents for small issues. Our opinion of our parent’s flaws may not actually be flaws, because we are not as wise as we imagine.
Q. What are some flaws you had projected on your parents or that your children had projected on you that were not necessarily wrongs (an example could be something you took away for their own good but they accused you of being a horrible parent)?
A child does not know what it is like to be a parent until they become a parent.
In the case of evil or abusive parent – we are exempt from honoring or obeying them. The word “and” in this passage could be better translated “but”. “Every one of you shall revere his mother and his father, BUT, you shall keep my Sabbaths: I am the Lord your God.” Meaning, the law of God supersedes the authority of our parents. When our parents demand or act in a way that jeopardizes our obedience to God, we have every right to ignore their leadership or influence over our lives.
Jesus set love for/commitment to parents as secondary to obedience and love for Himself. Our commitment to any relationship must be subjected (come under the authority of) our commitment to Christ and his way for our lives.
2. HONOR DOES NOT EQUAL AGREEMENT/ADULT OBEDIENCE/AFFECTION/APPRECIATION:
Parents and children don’t need to agree on every issue. Obedience goes well into adulthood (if children are living under their parent’s roof, they must obey them). The parent-child relationship is a relationship of constant transition/fluctuation. First, children love their parents, then admire their parents, they think their parents are crazy, then hate them, then they realize their parents were right.
Q. From a parent or child perspective, how can you relate to this?
Parents do not need their children to love or agree with them or appreciate them. Parents cannot parent if they are in need of agreement, affection, or appreciation. Parents should expect their children to honor them. God does not ask us for our agreement on His word to us.
3. HONOR DOES MEAN YOU TREAT YOUR PARENTS WITH DIGNITY AND WITH COURTESY.
It is also a child’s decision to provide long-term loyalty to their best interests.
When your parents get old and need care, remember your children are watching you. But this does not mean as a child you get to rely perpetually on your parents for life! The Bible’s first command to children of parents is “leave your father and mother and cleave to your wife.”
(Don’t be a burden on your children if you can help it – take Financial Peace to help plan for the future).
Q. Have you had difficulty honoring your parents and why? What obstacles have you faced with them?
Shifting gears – Now to Parents:
1. WE TRAIN WITH INVOLVED FATHERS.
Godly fathers are key to raising godly children. We need to admonish dads who are not involved and celebrate godly fathers.
The Industrial Revoltuion was one of the main historical problems in our country. It took fathers out of the home to the factory. This changed our perspective of family. America started to believe it was the mothers’ job to raise and train their children. The Bible says it is BOTH parents role and responsibility and it specifically mentions the father.
Father’s must be hands-on with children being “brought up”.
It is important to note that “do not provoke your children to anger” comes before “bring them up” because of the idea that children without instruction and discipline will become embittered and angry. Without discipline, children are lost and depressed.
Q. What experience do you have with this either in your upbringing or now as a parent? Was your father or mother the disciplinarian? If you are not a single parent, do both you and your spouse discipline your children?
2. WE TRAIN UP CHILDREN, WE DO NOT SIMPLY RAISE THEM.
Training has two components:
First: Godly instruction: “of the Lord”
It is about teaching them faith…in the home, not just about getting the “American Dream”.
Second: Independence. The whole idea of the parent is to raise up the child, not to keep the child dependent, but to get the child up and out, to get the child to a place where he or she can make decisions for themselves.
Q. What is your experience as a child or parent in this area? Are you allowing your adult children to depend on you/are your parents allowing you to depend on them?
5 Lies of Social Media (from ‘Teens and Screens’ by Dr. Kathy Koch PhD.):
1. I am the center of my own universe.
2. I deserve to be happy all the time.
3. I must have a choice.
4. I am my own authority.
5. Information is all the at matters so I don’t need teachers.
Q. What is the problem with these statements? How were you or how are your children being shaped by social media?
The truth of scripture:
1. God is the center of the universe.
2. We can have joy in all our circumstances.
3. Choice is a privilege, not a guarantee.
4. God is the ultimate authority.
5. Seek God for Wisdom.
3. WE RAISE UP A CHILD WITH DISCIPLINE AND INSTRUCTION.
Two key words:
Discipline: means to hold someone accountable.
Instruction: refers to providing godly counsel.
Discipline alone will discourage your children. Instruction alone will depress them.
Q. Do you tend to veer toward one and not the other, if so why? How do you instruct and discipline your children (or how were you instructed and disciplined as a child)?
Parents should not just discipline but also instruct, giving the why behind the what. Parents do not need to apologize for disciplining and instructing.
Gospel: If marriage is a picture of our relationship to Christ…Parenting is a picture of our relationship to the Father.
Pray for the lost and for each other. Pray for the Above and Beyond Campaign – new roof, parking lot and building for Woonsocket. Pray for the Guatemala missions and all of our missions. Pray the marijuana store not be put in the industrial park. Pray for our leaders, country, and nation.
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