05 May Destination Marriage | Part 2 – “Between the “I’ll” and the Altar”
ATTENTION: Going forward, we will be making Growth Track a mandatory pre-requisite for all Small Group Leaders. I will be contacting the Coaches this week to come up with a plan to get every SGL through the class who has not taken it yet. Eventually, hopefully soon, we will have a short video in lieu of taking the class in person for SGL’s.
Wednesday there is a town meeting at 6:00p regarding the Marijuana shop to be put in our industrial park. If you are a resident of NA go to this meeting to speak out against it.
Text ‘waterschurch’ to 41411 to keep updated on the latest information!
Calling all ladies of Waters Church! – If you are between the ages of 16-116, we want you to join us for a fun night of fellowship at our Ladies Q & A Tea on Sunday, May 19th at 4 p.m. Let us know what is on your heart. Text in your questions anonymously starting NOW to 401-433-9475. No need to sign up, light refreshments will be served. (please note: ladies only; no child care provided)
Hosting Interns: If anyone is interested in hosting interns from different colleges this summer, please let us know! We will have more information soon.
The Deep End Podcast: Airs live Wednesdays @noon on Facebook and @thedeepend.tv ! Text in your questions anonymously to (508) 316-9333 to have them addressed on the show. And you can catch up on past episodes anytime on our Deep End page or on our Youtube channel @ waterschurch. If you subscribe to our Youtube channel you will receive notifications when our material is posted.
Looking for your testimonies! If you have group wins to share, please email them to me! maparsons@waterschurch.org
eFam Groups are here – for those who watch online only and are over 25 miles from any Waters Church location. If you have friends/relatives that watch our services online and are interested in becoming eFam Group Leaders, have them go to waterschurch.org/efamleaders . eFam leaders will have Small Group like any other but will host people who attend Waters solely online.
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We offer two types of classes. Please familiarize yourself with what these classes are about. Feel free to sign up for one so you can better explain what they are to your group members.
Starting Point: What is Christianity all about? Is the Bible really more than just a book? Who is Jesus? No matter where we are in life, we all have questions. Starting Point is a great place to explore the faith and have safe and open discussions about some of life’s toughest questions.
Growth Track: In this 3 part class; Discover, Deepen, & Dedicate; you will get answers to the most frequently asked questions about Waters Church and have an opportunity to ask your own. This is the perfect place to get to know the “Why” behind the “What” of who we are as a church.
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Key Verse: Malachi 2
SAVE THE DATE: For a Special “Q&A Episode of thedepend live at 12:00 noon on Facebook & Youtube. May 8th & 15th. Text your questions to 508-316-9333.
The problem with marriage today is that it is misrepresented in our culture. We have a representation of what marriage looks like only to find out it is not the right representation. Pastor Tim and Cheryl gave the example of a hotel they stayed in a few years back. They booked it because the pictures were beautiful, but when they finally arrived, it was not at all how it was originally represented. The hotel mispresented itself. As our culture, misrepresents marriage.
Ice-breaker question:
Q. What is an experience you have had that is similar to theirs (maybe a vacation, something you bought, etc.) where something was misrepresented?
” When you first fall in love, you think you love the person, but you don’t really. you can’t know who the person is right away. That takes years. You actually love your idea of the person – and that is always, at first, one-dimensional and somewhat mistaken.”
We all come into marriage or are married with a ton of false expectations and we have to learn to surrender our lives to what God is making out of our marriage instead of what we hoped it would be. A woman and a man enter a church through an ‘aisle’ (an I’ll). The “I’ll” is what we are bringing into our marriage.
Q. What are/were some of your “I’ll’s” (I’ll be happy, I’ll get out of my parents home, etc.)? What expectations do you or did you have about marriage?
Early-marriage, (women) think they can change their man. The feminist viewpoint is this: “I’ll” have someone to support me in my career and dreams.”
After being married a while, (and after having children), women can sometimes let themselves go and the men begin to relax romantically. Then eventually this can happen where both husband and wife say: “I’ll” get out and find someone else who will really loves me.” Statistics prove that divorce is much more likely in the 2nd and 3rd marriage and 70% more likely for 2nd marriages with children.
Q. From your experience, can you share how this may have affected your life directly or indirectly (this could be your own experience or maybe your parent’s experience)?
(Example: has someone been divorced and remarried or maybe let themselves go after having children or stopped being romantic, or has had more than one marriage?)
ONE BIG POINT: The Bible describes marriage as a covenant, not a contract.
The difference between a contract and a covenant:
A contract is all about limiting responsibility and protecting our rights.
My rights, my property, my safety. We draw up contracts for self-preservation. It says if this person doesn’t’ do this, then I get this, etc. We won’t lose what is ours and this is how a lot of people see marriage.
A covenant takes up responsibilities and surrenders our rights.
The opposite of a contract, it speaks of promises, responsibilities, and death. In a covenant, we promise to take responsibility even to our death for the sake of our relationship together. That is marriage in the Bible.
Marriage is not what we can get out of it but surrendering our freedom to have a meaningful relationship. We have to limit our freedom for the sake of building something with someone else. In the Old Testament, covenants were made with sacrifices, blood, and promises. This is the word (“covenant”) God uses to describe marriage..it should involve promises, blood, and sacrifices. Covenants require an ALTAR – Living things are brought to death.
Q. What are some sacrifices you have had to make, or you plan to make for the sake of your marriage (for those who are married, soon to be married, or even if marriage is not in the near future)?
Ephesians and Colossians have two main marriage passages we go to in the New Testament. The reason women are mentioned first is that women get to take the first step in shaping their marriage. The first step is a big one. It challenges women with the ‘S’ word.
SUBMISSION means I voluntarily limit what I might do naturally in this relationship in order to benefit you.
“…even a woman who wants to be the head of her own house does not usually admire the same state of things when she finds it going on next door. She is much more likely to say ‘Poor Mr. X! Why he allows that appalling woman to boss him about the way she does is more than I can imagine.’” – C. S. Lewis
Q. Women, what are some natural things you have voluntarily limited in your relationship to benefit your relationship?
UNDERSTANDING SUBMISSION:
It is not a permission slip for men to abuse or oppress their wives. Christians believe men and women are different by design. This is about roles and gifts, not about value. The culture tells us true equality can only be achieved by “sameness” and the standard women hold themselves to men. God values both men and women.
1. SUBMISSION IS NOT BEING BOSSED AROUND.
Q. What is your first reaction to submission? Have you ever thought of it as one giving up their independence and why?
If women are afraid of what submitting to a Godly man might take from them, their first response should not be to challenge the authority but to examine their fears.
2. SUBMISSION IS SHAPED BY OUR SUBMISSION TO CHRIST.
If you don’t know how to submit to the Lord, you cannot submit to a husband properly. Submission to Jesus must shape a woman’s submission to her husband. The Lord does not boss women around. The Lord’s authority over a woman’s life is not cruel and the Lord wants what is best for women. A woman might say, ‘my husband doesn’t act like the Lord’, but wives are not perfect either and both need grace.
” A great marriage is not made up of two great people, but two great forgivers.”- Rick Warren
Q. How quickly and readily do you forgive in your relationship?
When a husband is not a Christian:
1. The wife should not expect him to love her like Christ loves the Church.
2. As we read in 1 Peter, the answer to the situation is submission.
However, this is not suggesting a wife is called (in Christ) to take abuse, be pushed around and cheated on without recourse. A wife needs to take a course of action if this is the case.
Q. What experience you can share regarding being married to (or being in a relationship with) an unbeliever?
3. SUBMISSION IS ABOUT MEETING YOUR HUSBANDS GREATEST NEED
WHICH IS RESPECT.
A man thrives on RESPECT. Respect in the dictionary: ‘to admire deeply as a result of their abilities”
It means to think well of someone.
Q. Women: do you show your men that you think highly of them and how? Men: Of what do you enjoy being praised?
UNDERSTANDING HEADSHIP:
Headship is not dominance. It is leadership. Good leadership does three things:
1. HEADSHIP IS FOR THE SECURITY OF THE BODY.
Theologically, Christianity believes Christ bore the wrath of God on the cross. We are saved from wrath by Christ – security (this is why theology matters). Men are to bring security to their wives, physically and emotionally. Anatomically: “The Head” – the head receives neurological messages from the body about potential dangers and harms coming into the body. The head is alerted to dangers before any other part of the body and reacts accordingly. “Love” – Agape means to subordinate one’s own interests, pleasures, and personality for the benefit of someone else.
Q. As head of the household, what are some ways you have provided security to your family? For those who are single parents/single moms how does this work?
2. HEADSHIP IS FOR THE EMPOWERMENT OF THE BODY.
Sanctify and holy. We often think that salvation is a two-part process: We get saved (justification) and then we make progress (sanctification). But, this verse is saying the cleansing happens (sanctification) not progressively but instantly in Christ. This is important because Jesus does not love us conditionally on our progress in the faith. As in, I’ll love you if you get better”. Yet a lot of Christians live like that is true. Sanctification is about purpose. Being set apart for a special purpose.
A husband’s job is to sanctify his wife to the Lord’s purpose. They are to lead their wife into their God-given purpose. ** This does not mean men need to be Bible teachers or do family devotions, but you must make being a part of God’s family the #1 priority.
Q. What ways does this happen in your marriage? What ways will it happen in your coming marriage? Give some examples of a husband leading his wife into her God-given purpose.
3. HEADSHIP TAKES RESPONSIBILITY FOR THE BODY.
Men without wives and children struggle mightily in this culture. Responsibility is healthy.
Q. What are some reasons men would struggle without having a wife and children in today’s culture?
Responsibility is healthy, it helps men drive the truck straight.
Q. How does responsibility help you (men) to drive your truck straight?
The failures of our shared responsibilities will happen. That is unavoidable. Marriage will challenge our Christian living more than any other relationship.
Q. Has marriage challenged your Christian living more than other relationships and how? If you are not married, how do you think it will challenge you?
Pray for the lost and for each other. Pray for the Above and Beyond Campaign – new roof, parking lot and building for Woonsocket. Pray for the Guatemala missions and all of our missions. Pray the marijuana store not be put in the industrial park. Pray for our leaders, country, and nation.
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